Peace of Mind-A Holiday Gift
In normal times, and by normal, I mean anything at all that happened pre-pandemic, this is the time for families to gather and celebrate the holidays. For many, it is the annual trip home. It is the once-a-year in-person visit. And it is a time to see for yourself, especially in the case of visiting with older or aging parents and other loved ones, just how much has changed since the last visit.
The year 2020 has certainly given us all more opportunity to connect visually with family, friends, and co-workers through the magic of technology. It has been incredibly important to keep up our personal connections with one another. Video conferencing has allowed us to do just that as we hunkered down in our own homes. For some families it has served as a lifeline to aging parents and others both near and far.
Changes at Home for the Holidays
Yet while home for the holidays, it is common for adult children and family members to witness changes first-hand. For lots of these children, change is a frightening realization. You may see changes in mobility, in memory or other cognitive behavior. And while conversations and video visits all year long give you a glimpse of life behind a loved one’s curtain, they do not always give you the whole picture. A day in the life cannot always be fully realized in these brief technological encounters.
Concerned and well-intentioned adult children spring into action after the holidays. There is often a flurry of activity gathering information about senior living communities, at-home care, move management services and home renovations to accommodate an incoming aging parent, to name a few. Sometimes these decisions are made without the involvement of the very person they are trying to help. That is often a recipe for family conflict.
Changes happen at any time, of course, and it certainly does not take a year to see them. There are lots of crisis moments that must be addressed immediately. This is never a good time emotionally to make important, life-altering decisions on behalf of another person. These decisions can be greatly influenced by the availability of needed services at that moment in time. It may not be what you would have chosen with more time to research and plan, and yet a choice needs to be made without delay.
Having the Conversation
The year of COVID has given us all pause. Many have become more reflective, used the time as a reset, or participated in philanthropic opportunities and acts of kindness. The list goes on. COVID may indeed be just the backdrop you need to have the necessary conversation with a loved one about what might be needed in the short- or long-term future. Let it be the starting point of an important dialogue that shows how much you care and want to support his or her wishes.
When talking with people who are contemplating downsizing to stay in place or in preparation of a move, we talk about the ability to make decisions while they are in control of them. There is often a natural progression of this thought process to things beyond their physical possessions like estate planning and future health care needs. It resonates and not only allows them to be in charge of their belongings and how future care will be handled, it also offers peace of mind, a priceless commodity.
Yes, the conversation may be difficult at least to begin. However, it is a wonderful opportunity to talk with and learn about your loved one’s wishes if or when help becomes necessary. In a calm and non-judgmental conversation, and more importantly not in a moment of crisis, you can begin to put the pieces of care together that may be needed. That will offer peace of mind for you as well, and couldn’t we all use a little more of that?